Data deluge warnings

(April Fool’s post)

The amount of data produced globally continues to grow exponentially. Units such as Tera and Peta are no longer capturing the magnitude. As new terms such as Wispabytes and Crunchiebytes have been necessary, there are fears that the extent of this uncontrolled data production could soon have unintended consequences. Uncleansed data is not being disposed of, capacity levels are already being reached with clouds becoming saturated, and the inevitable precipitation could have irreversible effects. The Journal of Knowledge & Environmental Science (J.O.K.E.S.) has forecast that by 2030 there could be a film of excess data covering the whole of the earth’s surface.

Thankfully, efforts are already being made to mitigate the risks. Entrepreneur and technology visionary, C. Lyon-Tusk, has created an accelerated training program to combine the experience and skills of data scientists and meteorologists. “It may sound funny, but we are using what we call Washing Machine Learning to create a kind of data detergent,” he said.

Labelled Cosmodatanauts, these will be sent into the newly discovered cloud-shaped atmospheric layer between the stratosphere and metasphere, named the petasphere, where the excess data is gathering. The plan is to introduce artificial intelligence into the cloud so that the excess data can find a home for itself somewhere else less damaging.

Meanwhile, anti-data pollution activists have been protesting, with one saying “We have been warning about this for years. Why can’t we just stick to pen and paper?”

A government spokesperson responded; “Don’t worry, we are”.

At big xyt we harvest, cleanse, curate and cultivate data so you receive the analysis you need without the waste.

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